Ha!  A day late and a dollar short.  A cat shows up after the birds have already flown off somewhere else.  First, it was Woodstock, and then Toucan Sam.  You missed your opportunity, Bill!

Well, Bloom County’s Bill the Cat isn’t known for hunting birds; he has had bigger aspirations than that.  In 1984 and 1988, he ran for President of the United States.  He didn’t win, though, thanks to his drug abuse and shenanigans.  One of the times Bill lost was because he coughed up a fur ball on Connie Chung.  He was also mixed up in several scandals.  In one, Bill was the primary source for an illegal cat-sweat-based baldness cure.  Then, his brain was replaced with Donald Trump’s (who had been hit with his yacht’s anchor while sunbathing in New York Harbor).  That explains it all…

What drove Bill to abusing drugs?  A psychoanalyst may reach back into Bill’s past as far as his birth.  After all, the orange cat was the illegitimate son of Garfield the cat, and we all know about Garfield…

Born in Dubuque, Iowa, Bill grew up wanting to be a film star, so he moved to New York City, and starred in a few films, including, Terms of Bill’s Endearment.  Like many actors, though, Bill drank heavily and got into drugs.  Eventually, it was all about sex, drugs, and rock & roll, when he became a rock and roll musician.

Wild Bill was unpredictable, made poor decisions that never ended well for him, did random and extreme things, and had a string of love affairs with celebrities.  His career as a rock star was ruined due to reading the bible with nun Edith Drock.  Being the opportunistic cat that he was, though, he used it to become a TV evangelist and got even richer.

Unfortunately, Bill let it all go to his head and get the best of him.  He spiraled out of control with his drug use; and, on September 30th, 1983, drove his Ferrari into a cactus at 140 mph and died on impact.  His body was never found, though, so Blinky and Milo Bloom released his death as being caused by acne(!).

By now, you may be thinking to yourself that those previously listed dates don’t add up.  Bill died in 1983, but ran for President in 1984 and 1988?  How can that be?  Well, let me tell you!  Oliver Wendell Jones found Bill’s tongue and used his “DNA doohickeys” to successfully clone Bill, just in time for the 1984 presidential election! 

Here’s an ironic bit of trivia in the real world:  Bloom County creator, Berkeley Breathed, described “Bill D. Cat” as his attempt to create a character so repulsive that it would have no merchandising potential.  Although he succeeded in making Bill utterly repulsive, he failed at making him a merchandising bomb.  Bill the Cat trinkets and figurines have been a huge sales success and have even appeared in comic strips!


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